In the throes of a hotly contested divorce, you may think that you will never be able to hold a civil conversation again with your ex. However, if you both agree to set aside your differences post-divorce, you may be able to co-parent the kids far more effectively.
Below are some things to keep in mind when you are struggling to rear the children after splitting with your ex.
- Keep the kids accountable. There should be both rules and consequences for breaking them at each parents’ houses. Bad behavior shouldn’t get a pass by either parent.
- Give yourself time to heal before jumping into a new relationship. There is no hard and fast timeline for when it’s OK to begin dating after a divorce. But be mindful of your children’s feelings on the matter. You don’t need to introduce them to a series of casual dates unless the romance is getting very serious.
- Keep emotions out of your organizational parenting. Depending on how you structured your custody and visitation in the divorce, there will likely be holidays spent without the kids. Don’t fall to pieces or wallow in grief if you miss some time with your children. Rather, make special memories with the time you do have with them.
- Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by the kids. Each household doesn’t have to have the exact set of rules, but co-parenting should ideally dovetail on the most important points. Failing to reach accord on the major stuff with your ex can only confuse the kids and foment disruption.
You may be surprised by how much both parties agreeing to work toward an amicable divorce can positively affect the outcome of your divorce. Ask your San Jose family law attorney for suggestions for a solutions-based approach to your divorce and custody case.